Hi, I'm Satan, I'd like to welcome you to the first date rejection etiquette web page. Ever go on a date and are not sure what to do?  Ever chat with someone online and want to meet them and not sure what is the next step? Even if their from Nebraska?  What if you meet and you have no sexual chemistry?  Not to worry, the hand book of first date etiquette is here at your beckoning call. Well pay attention, because it's important for you to learn proper dating etiquette.  Without it you may appear rude, vulgar, disgusting, or even boring, and doomed to an eternal afterlife in burning tormented misery in the darkest pits of HELL!  

Now, my little sluts, what's the best way to go about asking someone out on a date? Here's a possibility: "Would you like to be my sex slave for the weekend?" This may sound like a logical way to express your interest in them but believe me, unless they already harbor a crush on you, or own a pair of studded handcuffs it rarely works. This does two things. Firstly, it sets you up for diabolical rejection, we know how much you need that, each of you needs to be used to the proper amount of ridicule, shame and damnation. 

Not only is this very demonic and demoralizing, it will also make you lose confidence when asking other people  out to go dating. You feel scared to ask them out because you know how easy it is for them to say no thanks loser.  It would feel better if they were to take a knife out of their pocket and stab you 10 times.  I mean how many debilitating fucking coffee shops do you have to go to and meet that amazing voice on the phone!  

Getting that first date. Asking the girl or guy out. Actually talking to a girl or guy for the first time and so on.... For many of us,  that date rejection is the same as life imprisonment, the electric chair or a slow painful excruciating death by fire ants. 

The worst consequence can be no more than no thanks, or a little stronger tone of FUCK YOU ASSHOLE,  rejection. Here are some tips that may help you.  I say drug them.  This can easily be achieved with a syringe to the thigh or a ground fine powder in the coffee before you serve it to them.  Then tie them up and put little spit wads all over their bodies after you have had your way with them.  Draw on their naked body with indelible ink markers, happy little perky sayings like, "I am a happy perky person".  

Tattoo a picture of "BIG BIRD FUCKING TWEETY BIRD" too there back, and when they later try to clean it all off they won't know why it all  won't come off. Give them a pedicure with green and red nail polish, and say Merry Xmas.  Put head phones on them playing subliminal tapes in Swedish, know one needs to know fucking Swedish, but they will.  Style their hair like "DIVINE".  Dress them in a black leather corset and neon pink tights with the crotch cut out. Put them in the trunk of your car and take a nice drive to a nearby state, and leave them in a bathroom stall in a fancy gas station with a purple dildo in their ass. That should help you feel better about dating rejection and dating all around.  

 All The Best,

S